Human connection is primal, but fear and technology can often distort our ability to experience it. This can lead us to chase "perfection" as a distraction from addressing our deeper emotional needs and building meaningful relationships.
The Myth of Perfection:
In today’s fast-paced, tech-driven world, we often chase perfection to avoid rejection and judgment. I find that these fears, often deeply rooted in subconscious patterns, pull us away from authentic living and genuine relationships—the very things that bring us internal fulfilment and a sense of wholeness. Instead of embracing who we are, we strive for ideals that don't necessarily serve us, driven by societal pressures and childhood conditioning.
Technology’s Role in Disconnecting Us:
Nowadays, it's like more of our generation is living on supplements instead of real food—we survive, but we don’t truly thrive. As technology advances, the gap between genuine human interaction widens, as superficial connection with our digital screens grows. Though we are capable of adapting, our primal need for human connection remains unchanged. Perhaps in a couple of hundred years, evolution will play its part in lessening the human need for physical and emotional intimacy. But for now, our emotional well-being still depends on these meaningful interactions.
Without them, we crave connection in increasingly desperate ways. Despite the rise of dating and friend-finding apps, the scarcity of genuine human connection continues to grow, leaving many of us experiencing deeper feelings of isolation and lack of deep fulfilment.
The Impact of Fear on Connection:
Ironically, the more we crave connection, the more we fear it. Many of us develop anxious attachment patterns rooted in childhood emotional experiences. Like myself, having grown up in an environment where emotional connection was conditional based on personal achievements and successes, you grow into an adult with a child-like belief that you still need to achieve and chase love, rather than holding the ever-so-natural belief that we as humans are worthy of love without having to prove our worth.
The COVID-19 pandemic intensified this, bleeding our minds with a scarcity mindset around relationships. We either cling to those who offer us that emotional intimacy, hence emotional safety, or run from intimacy, fearing the pain of loss. Both reactions, though two extremes are driven by fear, anxiety, and stress. Emotions deplete us rather than fuel us and further distance us from being able to attract and connect with genuine human intimacy, whether physical or emotional.
The Illusion of Perfection in Relationships:
It's become more common to see how social media often pushes an idea of "perfection," making it easy to become conditioned into thinking we need to be flawless so that we can then be worthy of flawless, beautiful relationships. This way, we believe we will find the fulfilment we're all craving behind our screens while strengthening a mindset that brings dissatisfaction into our everyday lives.
We've all heard stories from friends where people go out and have a great time, but then cut it off. No matter how great the person they went out with was, they will still choose to continue looking for someone "better" and "more fitted" to their needs.
Believing we need to search for someone "better" can prevent us from accepting and building meaningful relationships based on authentic connections. Even if we find it, it naturally won't resemble the idea of 'perfection' we set up as the blueprint in our minds. But this pursuit of perfection is just a shield, I feel our generation has built as armour to protect ourselves from potential rejection, judgment, and abandonment—the ultimate risk of being vulnerable and opening ourselves up to human contact and meaningful relationships.
Solution? Reconnecting with Yourself:
So what's the answer? Is there a solution to this long-standing primal need paradigm?
Fortunately, I think there is, though the solution isn’t a one-size-fits-all. At the end of the day, navigating through how we connect to others within our communities and societies is highly unique and individualised to every single one of us. With the rise of social media, we’ve become conditioned to seek external validation, believing it holds the key to our happiness and fulfilment. But this pursuit and chase suppress our authenticity by distracting us from ourselves. If we choose to rebuild our self-awareness, we can begin to reclaim our authenticity.
We might not have all the answers, but we can start by simply asking ourselves:
Why am I reaching for my phone right now?
What emotion am I trying to escape?
How can I fulfil this need without relying on distractions?
This small act of self-awareness can help rebuild the bridge between your conscious and subconscious mind. Over time, this inward focus diminishes the "craving" for external connection and makes you feel more whole on your own. It won't mean you will no longer want to search for that emotional and physical interaction, but now you won't feel fear, emotional threat, and heartbreak when potential connections fleet and pass.
Authenticity Over Perfection: Building Meaningful Relationships:
You can begin to adopt some simple everyday practices to strengthen your relationship with yourself, making you less dependent on external validation and more resilient to rejection:
Journaling: Spend 5 minutes a day writing down your thoughts to build self-awareness.
Mindful Eating: Eat in silence, focusing on how the food feels and tastes.
Meditation: Sit quietly and ask yourself, “How do I feel right now?”
Self-Talk: Regularly check in with yourself and practise self-compassion.
Oftentimes, we forget to realise that we have no control over what is happening outside of us. Trying to navigate and find the solutions to our problems in our external world is like searching for the missing puzzle piece in someone else's box, unaware it's in your hand. Human contact is natural, and the only reason we have begun to crave it is that we stopped giving ourselves that primal need.
Embracing Authenticity & Loving Without Fear:
When you build this foundation of self-love, you won’t fear losing connection. You’ll open your heart freely and move forward even when relationships end. As the book The Four Agreements teaches, "Don’t take anything personally." You’ll be able to say “I love you” without expectations and still feel whole.
By letting go of the facade of perfection, we allow our authentic selves to shine.
And before you know it, you'll be waking up feeling a hundred times lighter, knowing that this belief of needing to "be perfect" will be replaced with the belief that we are worthy of being loved and loving no matter what.
Knowing we always have a place within ourselves to come back to, no matter how people in our external world come and go, will remove the need to protect ourselves from rejection or judgment because we trust that the love that we are growing within ourselves is forever.
As a result, the craving, desperation, and pressure we place on receiving external love and validation will diminish. With time, you'll find yourself releasing the need to chase and control relationships, connections, and interactions.
And I do believe the next time you come across a human connection, it will feel easy and natural, and it will add to the love and wholeness you have begun building inside.
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