Falling Too Fast & Obsessing Over the Wrong Guy.

I have one question: Will it ever end? Will I ever figure out why I can’t stop falling for guys I meet for less than an hour?

Here I am in Croatia, not even a week in, and on my second night, I get invited to this cosy birthday gathering—a mix of family and friends. The atmosphere was straight out of a postcard: warm summer breeze, delicious food, drinks flowing, and chatter under the open sky. It instantly reminded me of my time in Slovakia, where evenings like this felt like the definition of simple happiness.

At first, everything was slow and awkward, the kind of quiet you get when nobody knows each other well. Then I ended up sitting near three guys, and that’s when it happened. You know the feeling. I locked eyes with one of them—the one I couldn’t stop staring at. My type to a T. He struck up the first conversation, and just like that, my emotional radar was locked in on him.

I tried to stay present, to talk to others, but every time I managed to say a few words to someone else, I’d find myself sneaking glances at him. Why does this always happen? Why do I instantly go into a spiral of emotional overdrive? I’ve noticed I don’t just get a casual crush—I get completely smitten in no time at all.

Falling Too Fast: Obsessing Over the Wrong Guy:

It didn’t take long to start building a story in my head: *Maybe he’s into me. Maybe I’m his type.* And then I found out he’s a doctor, which just added another layer of appeal. Confidence? Check. Charm? Check. European? Double check. He seemed like the full package, and I was already daydreaming about what could be.

But here’s the thing—it’s always too good to be true, right? The next day, I casually asked my friend about him. She shut it down faster than I could blink: “Oh, him? He’s obnoxious and full of himself. Tried to hit on me once. Total flirt.”

Ouch. That stung. Not because I knew him well (we’d barely exchanged a handful of words), but because I had built this whole fantasy in my head. And just like that, the daydream evaporated. It was clear he wasn’t interested in me—it wasn’t about me at all. It was just him doing his thing, boosting his ego with the new girl in the room. And once again I felt like I naively walked into the ego trap, falling too fast and as a result obsessing over the wrong guy.

The Bigger Picture: It’s Not About Him, It’s About Me:

This whole scenario made me reflect on a pattern I’ve seen in myself. Why do I keep falling for the wrong guys? Or, more importantly, why do I let my emotions run wild with men who give me *just enough* attention? The answer, I’ve started to realize, might not have much to do with them—it has everything to do with me.

I’ve spent years believing I’m the type who doesn’t want a relationship. Casual meetups? Fine. Situationships? No problem. At least that’s what I thought. But looking back, I always felt crushed when there wasn’t a deeper connection or when things fizzled out. That’s when it hit me: Maybe I’ve been wearing a mask. Maybe I do want something more meaningful, but I haven’t fully accepted that yet.

Doing the Work: Be Honest With Yourself:

Here’s the uncomfortable truth I’ve learned: If I don’t sit with myself and figure out what I actually want, I’ll keep falling into this cycle. It’s not about controlling the other person or expecting them to behave a certain way—it’s about being honest with myself. What am I looking for? A hookup? A fun fling? A relationship? There’s no right or wrong answer, but I need to know what *I* want before I let someone into my life.

I’ve realized that every time I felt hurt by a guy’s lack of interest or follow-through, it wasn’t because of them—it was because I wasn’t being honest with myself. I went into situations thinking I didn’t care, and that I could keep it casual, but deep down, I wanted more. And when my expectations didn’t match the reality, I was left disappointed.

The Journey to Self-Awareness (and Mistakes Along the Way):

This isn’t a quick fix. I’m not going to wake up tomorrow with all the answers and suddenly have mistake-free dating experiences. But here’s what I’ve learned:

1. It's time I get to Know My Intentions.

Whether it’s a one-night hookup or the hope for a long-term relationship, I decided to start being honest about my intentions from the start. It's natural to hit a bump along the way, and still choose the wrong guy, but at least I'll know why I'm there—and I'll know the risks while already having the remedy at hand.

2. Be Kind to Yourself.

Every mistake is a chance to learn. Dating isn’t supposed to be perfect; it’s messy and emotional. Don’t beat yourself up for falling for someone who wasn’t right for you. With time I realised I became stronger only once I created a safe and supportive space for myself.

3. Understand Your Triggers.

If you find yourself obsessing over messages or feeling anxious when someone doesn’t reply, take a step back. Is it about them, or is it something deeper within you? I realized my anxious attachment goes way back to my childhood experiences of feeling emotionally disconnected from my parents. It’s not easy to unpack, trust me I get it. But I do think it's key to levelling up.

4. Stop Wearing the Mask.

Pretending you’re okay with what you have when you actually want the opposite only hurts you in the long run. And it's never fair to do that to yourself. You shouldn't just want love, you should believe that you first and foremost deserve it, just as every other human being. Be real with yourself, even if it feels scary.

The Bigger Lesson: You Can’t Skip the Work:

It’s tempting to think you can figure all this out by journaling, meditating, or manifesting your dream relationship. And while those things can help, the real work happens in the messy, real world. You have to keep meeting people, making choices, and learning from your experiences. Yes, it’s exhausting, and yes, it’s painful at times, but it’s worth it.

The most important thing? Start with yourself. If you’re still carrying around pain, fear, or unresolved emotions, you’re going to keep attracting situations that mirror those feelings. But if you do the work to understand and accept who you really are—not who your pain has made you—then you’ll be able to welcome the kind of connection that truly adds to your happiness.

At the end of the day, it’s not about finding the perfect guy. It’s about committing time to yourself and reflecting on what truly brings you comfort and happiness in your life. Love and dating shouldn't define your life no matter how much it may feel like that at times. The butterflies may be real... but they are also quick to flutter away, often leaving us feeling lost and conflicted within our own space unsure of how to pick ourselves up and continue on with our own lives.

Start believing with confidence that what you truly desire in a guy is possible, and allow it to trump any other sub-standard belief making you think you need to settle, chase or even sacrifice your own happiness.

Life is about exploring, adventure and most of all learning to have fun and enjoy the time we have left. So have fun, and navigate your way forward knowing you're doing right by yourself the best that you possibly can.