From Self-Love to Being Loved: Why Accepting Love Feels So Hard.

At the end of the day, do we truly beelieve that we deserve the type of love we are looking for? Or even so, do we even know what it feels like to be genuinly loved for simply who we are?

The Unexpected Question That Changed Everything:

While driving home from meeting a friend, i felt my mood beginning to drop little by little. I watched questions circle in my mind on repeat trying to understand and navigate what specifically led me to feeling so low, especially since the past couple days have been filled with nothing short of pleasant and joyful moments with friends. and then a wild out of the blue question came to mind, and I asked myself out loud in the confinement of my car 'Do you think you are worth people loving you?'. and within a split second something within me broke and tears started to run down my face. another realisation came my way. something so undeniably pivotal to understanding my approach to human relationships, and it hit me completely out of the blue.

Is It Really Commitment Issues—Or Something Deeper?

I always thought my lack of ability to navigate towards a relationship that genuinely brought me happiness and the ability to be myself was from my own commitment issues i developed over the years. but this moment showed me otherwise. It's not a matter of feeling afraid to "tie myself to another person", but rather, not even being able to believe in the concept of someone wanting to love me in that way.

Do You Believe You Deserve the Love You’re Looking For?

As funny as it may sound, have you ever asked yourself whether you believe you truly deserve the type of love you look for? Or even so, do we know what it feels like to be loved? Have we ever been in the presence of someone who loved us through their words, actions and intentions. Not even for what you do, nor what you might have to offer or the fact that you can hold an intellectually stimulating conversation... but just because you exist. Just by being you, you feel loved and pure, uncomplicated kindness poured into you.

When Love Becomes Something You Have to Earn:

For someone who grew up facing the concept of love as something that was given based n achievements, and personal successes it led me to begin taking on the role of a chaser when it came to pursuing romantic relationships.

throughout my life, I never really questioned whether I felt worthy of love. I focused more on understanding the concept of self-love which led me to focus in on what I like about myself, and how I can love myself more. But I feel like that doesn't automatically transpire into a belief of believing I am worthy of love from others, let alone people who give it unconditionally.

No matter how much i deem to truly trust and believe that I love myself, I still feel the desire to be loved when someone shows me an ounce of attention or care.

And I wonder whether that's a common concept, that can lead us astray when looking for partners and choosing relationships.

Learning to Accept Love Without Fear:

I don't naturally go out into the world believing no one should love me, but it's at a moment, when someone does show me an aspect of this genuine and authentic love whether in a romantic or platonic aspect, that it makes me want to retaliate. I feel scared when I sense that love being emitted from someone I too like. I instantly think if I give in with my vulnerability and open myself up, something small will get in the way, or I trip up with my words or make a mistake... and poof, just like that they'll be gone. in a matter of moments, I’ll be left with nothing but memories of how good it once felt to be in the presence of someone who liked me just as I was. Open, genuine and authentic. No holding back.

The Path to Allowing Love In:

But I’m beginning to see the beauty of that side of me and begin to try and show that side of me on a daily basis, not just in the presence of a potential romantic partner. Show that raw and unfiltered me around family, friends, acquaintances.

It’s terrifying. It’s the deepest part of ourselves, we often hide and leave to uncover ‘once it feels safe’, but maybe the trick is to believe that as long as we are in control it’s always safe, to be who we truly are.

To show that part of us, without believing that has to be a mutual reciprocation. And with time, we begin to accept ourselves enough to open up without restriction. Without needing someone specific to hold that space for us to be ourselves, because we’ve created it for ourselves. Perhaps this is the road, though less walked, is the road towards self-acceptance, paving the way towards allowing ourselves to also be loved by those we love too.