Letting Go of a Love That Never Felt Right.

Oftentimes, I feel like when we meet someone, we begin to form small but frequent emotional bonds with them in our mind, and before we know it, they're all we think about. We can continue on with our day trying to act like 'it's just casual', 'it's nothing serious’, ‘he's just a friend', but deep down we know we're already imagining what it would be like to be with this person all the time and spend time together doing the things we love.

The Dangerous Power of Hope and Imagination:

I’ve learned that it’s during the beginning stages once we meet someone we begin to start liking, to take it slow. Take your time to take a step back and do not allow that feeling of comfort and 'letting go' to look carefully at things that don't align with us fully.

It’s honestly too easy to overlook the little issues we sense from the start, as we’re quick to reason it within ourselves just so we can continue feeling that warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of our stomach when we’re around this person.

They don't communicate clearly with us. That's fine, they're just busy. He often plays hot and cold with me?' Who doesn't? Nowadays, everyone has emotional issues, it's all part of the dating scene.

And we get on our way to bonding deeper and more emotionally fuelled attachment. But the thing is, whatever we avoid at the start always comes to reveal itself once again, except then it’ll be that much harder to walk away once we begin to see the relationship does not align with us because we are so deeply emotionally entangled with this person.

It’s Okay to Get It Wrong:

It's moments such as these that remind me of my very first relationship. Just like other situationships I've experienced, this relationship also began with me being too quick to enjoy the little sweet moments and not take better notice of the red flags flapping all around me. Though it’s taken me a while, I’ve come to understand that regretting and getting angry at yourself is not the way to go, however.

Wanting to believe that the connection with that person is just as perfect as we want to believe it is is such a human desire. It’s beautifully human, in fact, and if anything, we should be that much softer, kinder and gentler with ourselves once we begin to understand that the connection is toxic and drains us rather than fuels us. Because one bad relationship should not derail us from ever believing that we’ll never find a person that is good for us. We should let ourselves believe that with every person we meet that is not right for us, we are, in fact being one step closer towards meeting the right person meanwhile growing and understanding ourselves emotionally.

The Voice That Hates Change:

The sole idea of leaving that relationship filled me with horror. Thoughts of loneliness, isolation, sadness, anxiety, and so much more flooded my system. This inaudible voice within kept fuelling my system with anxiety to prevent me from making that change. It made me believe that the change would hurt me more than it would help me. And I let myself believe that and live in a limbo of fear and a constant thought of ‘but what if it would be better to leave?’.

When Emotional Fear Keeps You Stuck:

After 3 years, I mustered up all the courage I possibly could and left the relationship once and for all. It was the happiest day of my life because I felt like I didn't just leave a toxic relationship, but I felt like I battled and overcame a huge emotional fear that was holding me mentally hostage for 3 years. I felt like I took back control over my own life.

I always knew it was not the relationship I desired, and every time I found an ounce of inner strength and courage to walk away, something within me found ways to persuade me to turn back and stay in that relationship. It was awful, and it continued for a number of years. On paper, it was a double H relationship- happy and healthy. But emotionally, I never felt more alone and emptier in my life, and yet I never knew how to open up to anyone about this.

Chasing Connection to Escaping the Anticipation:

The fact is, we often find ourselves craving that deeper connection with someone who will look at us with love in their eyes. They're touch will make our pain melt away, and their smile will make our hearts flutter.

And while all of that is possible, sometimes the pure desire for this can oftentimes make us take shortcuts just to release that anticipation of 'when will they come'. But that shortcut can take us somewhere we would never want to be. which is why it’s important to approach all kinds of relationships, connections and situationships with a growth mindset ‘This will help me understand more about myself, ’ rather than expecting an outcome we desire, no matter how strong that urge is.

The Bravery to Leave is the First Step to Healing:

Finding ourselves in toxic and downgrading relationships can feel heavy and disheartening. The longer we stay, the harder it is to find the route back to ourselves and reconnect with a life we truly desire.

But the truth of the matter is, it's never too late. And no matter how scary or emotionally threatening it may feel to you and your entire system, trust me when I tell you the fear of passing through that change and taking that step in the right direction will always feel harder and scarier than the action itself.

The Relationship Taught Me the Greatest Lesson:

But it’s important to acknowledge your ability especially during those days while you're struggling and feeling like you can't possibly go on, remember that the fact that you're carrying so much sadness and confusion inside of you and yet still have the ability to put a smile on your face and continue with life is in itself all the reason to love yourself that much more. You have learned how to be strong for yourself and carry yourself through every dark and difficult situation and never give up.

Believe Love Will Find You Again:

I do believe that life happens for us, not to us. It teaches us to be strong and never give up no matter how hard it feels letting go of a love that never felt right. And right when you think you'll never fall in love again, the universe will send you that person who will heal your broken heart. They'll remind you once again that the love you craved and desired for so long lives within you, and they'll help you bring it back to life again.