Reclaiming your Power: Healing After Feeling Powerless.
- Kristina Kotouckova
- Mar 29
- 5 min read
When someone disregards your "no," they violate your trust and safety. But it's during such moments that we see just how much we can protect and look after ourselves.
When Boundaries Are Ignored:
Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where our boundaries are disrespected. Our clearly stated "no" is simply waved off and blankly ignored—whether that’s at work, by strangers, family, friends, or guys.
When someone disregards your "no," they violate your trust and safety. It’s something I had been lucky enough to not face head-on—until recently.
I agreed to go on an online date with a guy I thought was sweet and caring. I wasn’t expecting him to be my Prince Charming, but I let myself feel safe around him. And I was proven wrong. Looking back now, I see how open and vulnerable I allowed myself to be, sharing pieces of my life, feeling comfortable enough to be present with him. And yet, in one moment, that sense of security was ripped away.
The Night That Changed Everything:
We were sitting in his car. It was dark outside. In the distance, I could see the glistening lights reflecting against the sea. I felt light, shy and excited. There was a mix of nerves and anticipation, the kind you get when you’re with someone new, when there’s an unspoken mutual attraction but neither of you knows how to make that first move. It felt innocent and sweet, like something out of a teen movie.
And then, he made the first move. We leaned in and kissed. Before I knew it, we were making out in the back of his car. It was fun, natural, exciting—until it wasn’t.
I walked into that moment feeling strong, powerful, and excited. I felt like I was stepping outside my comfort zone, exploring and being open to new experiences. But in a split second, that power was stripped from me, replaced with meekness, vulnerability, and fear. He started pushing for more. He wanted me to initiate things. I made it clear—gently, sweetly—that I don’t do things like that with someone I’ve just met. I didn’t want to outright reject him, so I softened it. He smiled and kept kissing me. But I had already felt the shift.
I tried to brush past the moment, tried to return to what had felt nice before. Until he pushed again. This time, more insistent. He completely ignored how I felt. And then, just like that, I shut down. My body stopped responding. My emotions went numb. The excitement was gone, and all that was left was fear. Suddenly, the guy I had thought was sweet became a stranger I didn’t feel safe being alone with.
The Shift: From Safe to Unsafe:
I told him I needed to go home. His reaction was blunt and unapologetic. I felt scared, but I knew I had to get out of the situation.
The car ride home was silent. I sat there, my mind racing, feeling sick. At one point, I considered getting out and walking—even though it would’ve taken me an hour and it was edging towards midnight. I felt vulnerable. Shame started creeping in. The power I had felt when I first met up with him—the confidence, the excitement—was gone. Now, all I felt was regret for putting myself in that situation in the first place.
I didn’t know what to do. I lost my appetite. I felt exhausted. All I wanted was to go home and wash the night off me. And that’s exactly what I did. I stripped off my clothes, threw them in the wash, and took a long, hot shower. Then I made a drink and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to process what had just happened.
Physically, I was fine. But emotionally, I was shaken.
Why did I have to fight for my boundaries? Why wasn’t my "no" loud enough to be heard and respected? How could this guy think it was okay to push past what I had already made clear?
I’ve spent years longing for male safety, for a protective presence to tell me, I’ve got you. Don’t worry. You’re safe with me. But that night, I finally realised I am that presence. I can be my own safety.
The Aftermath: Processing the Unspoken:
Despite everything, a small part of me felt strong enough to get myself out of that situation safely. I didn’t freeze entirely. I chose myself at that moment.
But still—it wasn’t enough. The experience made me never want to repeat that mistake again. With one swift tap, I deleted the app, his number, and our entire conversation.
It’s so easy, in moments like these, to turn the blame inward. To sit there and think about all the ways I might have done this to myself. Did I give him the wrong impression? Did I lead him on? Did I make him think he could push further? But that’s the worst part—the misplaced guilt, the shame that shouldn’t have even landed on me in the first place.
I kept thinking about two things.
One, thank God it didn’t get worse. He could’ve ignored my "no" entirely, and I could’ve been left with scars much deeper than the emotional ones I was already processing.
And two—there are girls out there who weren’t as lucky. Who have lived through the worst-case scenario. Who had no one to lean on.
Even though I came home to a house full of people, I still felt like I couldn’t talk about what had just happened. The shame kept me quiet, kept me imprisoned. It wasn’t until the next morning that I finally found the courage to remind myself that it wasn’t my fault.
Reclaiming My Power:
The next morning, I subconsciously threw on dark, fully covered-up clothes—despite it being warm and sunny. I looked in the mirror and felt hollow, vacant. For a moment, I felt worthless.
But then, I made a decision.
I refused to carry the guilt, the shame, the timidity. I wasn’t going to let one person’s ignorance determine how I moved through my life.
I changed into something that made me feel good. I wasn’t going to hide because of someone else’s actions.
I reclaimed my power.
What I Want Others to Know:
Moments such as these in my life remind me just how important it is to validate one's own emotions and feelings. Oftentimes, our experiences will be hard to explain to others or receive the kind of understanding and support we crave. And though there is always someone out there we can speak to, being able to open up to ourselves and acknowledge and accept what we feel is so important.
We should not let experiences such as these deter us from continuing to explore and be curious in our lives. But we should use these moments to understand how we can better carry ourselves and look after ourselves while also showing appreciation to ourselves for what we get ourselves through even when we don't ask for these difficult situations.
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