Why We Cling to the Wrong People (Even When We Know Better).

When we fall too fast, too deep, for the wrong person, it's often not them we’re chasing—it’s the illusion of love, safety, and validation. But when the chase ends, we’re left with a brutal truth.

The Shattering Moment:

I wouldn't exactly call it a heartbreak... but that moment of pain when you feel like your heart is made of glass and in a split second it cracks and breaks and explodes in your chest. Millions of tiny pieces of shards crumble into the pit of your stomach, leaving you feeling nothing but pure and raw pain.

Well, I felt this after I let myself once again emotionally fall too deep, too quickly,y for a guy who was not aligned with me. Something that started off as casual and simple turned into another chase. It didn't take long to gain the awareness that I wasn't chasing him because I liked him, but rather the illusion I attached of safety and ease I believed he would be able to give to me at a time in my life when I struggled to give those things to myself.

The Chase That Led Nowhere:

When I sensed him pulling away, instead of accepting it, shaking it off and walking away myself, I ran after him. I initiated every conversation, knowing deep down it wouldn’t be reciprocated. I tried to control something that was never meant to be controlled in the first place.

But it happens. When we crave connection, love, and safety to such an extent, it's easy to begin to lose ourselves in the process while searching for it. In those moments of desperation, we neglect our integrity, self-respect, and dignity. I didn't want him - I wanted what he made me feel. But chasing an idea, an illusion, can leave us blind to reality and pulled into a cycle of emotional exhaustion. We put ourselves on the line, sacrificing our value, all for the intoxicating hope that this one person will finally see us. But more often than not, this race—the chase to be seen, chosen, and wanted—distracts us from the truth: at the peak of that climb, there’s nothing there. And the moment we realize it, we fall and plummet down, hitting an extreme emotional rock bottom.

The Fall & The Realisation:

The emotional crash is brutal. The chase ends, but instead of feeling victorious, we’re left feeling more broken, ashamed and utterly drained. And worst of all? That one thing we were desperate to attain still isn’t ours. But in that rock-bottom moment, something shifts. When you finally stop running and feel the ground beneath you, you begin to wake up. You see the truth you’ve been avoiding this entire time.

In my case, the truth was that I wasn’t just chasing him—I was trying to assert control over something I had no chance of ever truly controlling. I told myself I only wanted something casual, that I was fine with surface-level interactions and that physical intimacy was enough. But deep down, I needed more. I needed an emotional connection. I needed someone who could sit with me in my pain, hear me, and hold space for me.

Sitting With the Pain:

But despite the playing out of the situation, I realised I felt no regret. I was in pain, but I was also ok with feeling that pain. Because it was in that moment—the moment I hit my emotional rock bottom—that I had no choice but to let go deeply. I felt him slip away for good. I saw it in our last conversation. I knew it was over. But the pain I felt was over the loss of the illusions of safety and comfort I attached to my connection with this person. But this time, I chose not to run. Not to numb myself with another distraction. Not to replace one hollow pursuit with another. I chose to sit with the pain, feel it and let it pass through me in its own time. Looking back, the only thing I wish I did was as well as be more honest with myself and also allow myself to be honest with him. Allow myself the space to be vulnerable and connect emotionally, instead of running on the fear of being rejected and abandoned.

The Art of Letting Go:

There is no quick fix for a heavy heart. Another guy? Another chase? They only promise more emptiness, regret, and self-loathing later on. And though sitting in pain may feel unbearable, it is also a form of freedom. For the first time in a long time, I let myself rest. I didn’t chase. I didn’t control it. I didn’t fix it. I just sat with it. And I knew—without a doubt—that the emotions would pass. Because they always do. It's often the fear of facing our emotions that is greater than the emotions themselves. Giving into that fear prolongs the process and prevents us from entering that much-needed period of emotional grief. Feelings, like everything else, are just energy. And though they may feel too heavy to hold at times, they are temporary. If we allow them to move through us—slowly, with grace—they can heal us in ways we can never imagine.